First Job, First Relationship

I studied Electronics & Communication between 2007-2011 in the University of Kerala. The Engineering degree comprised of 8 semesters. Each semester featured 8 subjects, evaluated out of 150 marks each. The scoring was a dual-tier system: Internal Assessments (50 marks) and a University Final Exam (100 marks). A total of 75/150 was required to pass, allowing for a ‘compensation’ model where a higher score in the final exam could offset a lower internal score, provided the aggregate met the 50% threshold. Failing to pass any subject meant that I had to wait 6 more months to retake it. Even though I could retake a failed exam as many times as I wanted every 6 months, unless I kept clearing them consistently, the backlog just kept piling up.

Because I had lost all interest in the degree and put all my efforts on the Web, I kept failing in my exams. And by the time I reached the 8th semester in 2011, I had the herculean task of having to pass 18 exams from semesters 5, 6, 7, and 8 to get the degree. Adding to the pressures was the rumour that if one fails to complete the degree at the same time as his peers, chances are he will never complete it. The most dreaded of these 18 exams was C++ from semester 5 which I had failed 3 times prior. I had written all the exams over a gruelling 2 month period between May 13 — July 13 that year and I was awaiting the results.

Having no hopes of clearing all 18 exams, I had accepted my bleak future and started working as a PHP Developer in the local start up started by my seniors in college for ₹6000/month. At a time when no company hired anyone without a degree, I got this job only because not many did web back then and my contributions had gotten me noticed in the college circles. Most of my colleagues in this company also were mostly failed students who were unsuccessful in completing their degree and treated the job as kind of a last resort survival tactic. All my friends on the other hand had lucrative offers from big corporates through campus placements which I wasn’t eligible for, but I had only myself to blame.

I was also going through a very tough time trying to revive a broken relationship which just a year ago, seemed absolutely unbreakable. Min was a girl I had known for many years from school. She was well known for her academic and atheletic prowess and I thought I had absolutely no chance of getting close to. But around 2008 or so, what started as a simple facebook conversation got us closer and quickly turned into my first ever romantic relationship. Unfortunately, by 2011, things had turned sour and she stopped talking to me over what I thought were petty issues. But thinking now, the truth was I was not an emotional match for her. I was drowning deep into my own academic misery that I needed her as an emotional support while not giving anything in return which I had failed to realize at the time. So I was desperately trying to win her back but she absolutely rejected all my attempts increasingly pushing her away from me.